forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
