This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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