There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
