just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
