so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just cut my nipple shaving
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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