I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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