can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
