we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
