somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
