I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
