I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
