My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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