after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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