WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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