If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
