I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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