Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
