Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
