Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
