Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
