i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
