using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
