i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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