He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
4 words: hood of his car
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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