I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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