I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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