Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
