she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have feelings that need drinking.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
