Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Holy shit dude........stairs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
