Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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