So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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