Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
