I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
