Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
