Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
