I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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