i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
