I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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