Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
