I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
