I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
