I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
