Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
