Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
