just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
