I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
