It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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