That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
