Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
