I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
