Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
