You're my little dorito
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
